Happy new year from AC

in honor of Northwestern basketball looking fairly incompetent against any worthwhile competition, i've decided to post some good old fashioned rage. and since i've clearly lost nearly all interest in updating this site, i'll do what any experienced blogger does. when you can't write something funny yourself, just post (or link to) good writing from someone else!

presented below in their unedited entirety are four emails FBC received from AC Titticock. these were sent to me during and after the loss to Iowa in October, and i wasn't sure what to do with them until now. enjoy.


*****

Sat, Oct 15, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Subject: Fitz=Carmody?

Dear Bill Carmody, AC Means Pat Fitzgerald,

WE HAVE THE BEST QB IN NU HISTORY WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ROTATING HIM WITH KAIN FUCKING COLTER???????????????????????? and yes, the caps were intentional.

I might have to fucking slum it and post something on laketheposts. FUCKING Moronic.

Fuck Carmody,
AC

*****

Sat, Oct 15, 2011 at 8:47 PM
No subject

Dan persa is fucking good at football. Carshitty should recruit him to play the bottom of the 1-3-1 defense.

fuck carmody,
AC

*****

Sat, Oct 15, 2011 at 9:26 PM
Subject: 3rd and 5

AND WE BRING IN COLTER?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????//

Persa is like 30 of 36 throwing the ball, no fucking joke, and we bring in cain kolter on 3rd and 5 to run the option which ISN'T FOOLING ANYONE.

ugh.

Fuck carmody,
AC

*****

Sun, Oct 16, 2011 at 11:19 AM
No subject

The 3rd and 5 play in the 4th quarter when we were driving and only down 7 is pretty much a microcosm of this season. I’ll try to type this without dropping too many f-bombs, but we have the BEST QB IN NU HISTORY (or at least since Otto Graham was going deep on flappers by the Rock, and apologies to the great Lenny Williams and Brett Basanez, but Persa is better) who at that point in the game had completed like 54 consecutive passes and was something like 98 for 102 and had converted 37 straight third downs (2 thumbs up for Ebert by the way) all while solving the elusive P vs. NP problem (and I may have rounded some of those numbers up a bit) and yet WE FUCKING TAKE HIM OUT ON THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAY OF THE GAME FOR KAIN FUCKING KOLTER TO RUN THE OPTION which everyone in the entire mutliverse knew was going to happen? Really????? That was an even worse call than running Jacob Schmidt on third down at the end of the Army game or wearing flip flops to the White House.

Look, I have sworn to never say a bad thing about Pat Fitzgerald for all the joy he and NU brought me during the Gary Barnett era, and I have nothing against Kain Colter (in fact I think he will give Andrew Brewer a great run for the title as NU’s best former quarterback who is a threat on offense (and look how good it has worked out for Andrew)), but you don’t fucking rotate Dan Persa off the fucking field EVER unless his arm is hanging off or he’s late for his own personal dance marathon with NU grad Jaime Ray Newman. It boggles the fucking mind.

Kain Colter certainly brings something to the table (and should he ever learn to throw without wearing his purse, he could be a terrific QB), and he is an amazing athlete, but you just don’t take Persa off the field. Shit, it’s like the movie Who’s Nailin Paylin. Did anyone want to have fewer scenes with Lisa Ann just break things up? I mean there’s a time and a place for Nina Hartley (like the 1980s), but when Lisa Ann is in her fucking prime, you don’t leave her out of any scene. It’s a crime against humanity (and even Professor Arthur Butz would agree with that) and so was taking Persa off the field on that 3rd and 5 which just makes less sense than the entire Bill Carmody era (or error as it is better known), rugby punting, or Kate Shindle winning Miss America.

I am flummoxed, flabbergasted, and every other f word out there about that move and the coaching this season. It’s such a shame, NU may never have another Dan Persa and we’re treating him like he’s Tim Hughes. So Coach Fitzgerald, I implore you to do the right thing and Free Persa.

Go Cats!

AC

PS. This Siemian guy looks like a fucking monster. That TD throw was incredible. I really hope we convert Colter to a wr/rb (where he will be unbelievably effective) and let Siemian shoot it around next year, that guy is impressive.

*****

if that doesn't get you fired up for Texas A&M, i don't know what will.