The guy is a four-star recruit. Has Northwestern ever had one of those? Face it, Carmody has this program moving in the right direction. If we can land those players from Georgia in the 2011 class, NU hoops will reach a new dimension (and it's taken long enough).
it's a big step up from the Croatian YMCA at any rate.
sadly, my first reaction when NU lands a top recruit is to wonder what's wrong with him that made other people not want the guy. until one of these kids comes in and shows he's a legit stud, thats not gonna change. especially after all the hype for that fat load Rowley.
If you read about him, you'll see that plenty of other schools did want him. I believe he chose NU over five other schools, including Auburn and Boston College. The fact is, we'll never consistently land five-star recruits like Ohio State, UNC, and Duke. If we can keep getting guys like Jershon Cobb, we WILL make the NCAA tournament, hopefully sooner rather than later.
Awesome, really awesome. It only took Carshitty 10 years to nab a four star prospect (whatever that means, though how many stars did Coble, Shurna, and Rawley have?) and it was largely due to Tavares Hardy’s recruiting (good thing we didn’t just hire a more established and more connected Tavares Hardy in Craig fucking Robinson 3 years ago, but whatever, let’s let bygones be bygones).
So ten years, and one four star prospect. I am thinking of a cliché here but can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it:
1. Even a broken clock is right twice a day? No, that’s not quite it. 2. If you fuck enough vaginas, eventually you’ll get AIDS? Kind of, but in a better way. 3. The sun shines on a dog’s ass some days? Yes, I think this it. With Car-no-win-dy being the dog’s ass (at least his coaching is), and “some days” being one day in ten long, unrewarding, failed years.
If you shoot enough times, it’s bound to go in as even the great Dan Kreft once made a basket, so congrats to NU for finally landing the marquee recruit the Carshitty error so desperately needed.
And I love the fact that our first four star recruit isn’t very athletic. He will fit in perfectly as we pass the ball around the three point arc for 34 seconds before launching up a desperation 3 pointer, just like car-no-windy drew up in his Princeton no-offense notebook (ok, calling it a notebook may be a bit of an overstatement, it’s more like an index card, if that index card had been ripped in half and shit on).
Hopefully Jershon will be able to pass the ball to our big man to shoot foul line extended jumpers which is key to the Princeton no-offense (oh wait, we don’t have the big man who can shoot jumpers to run this offense, details details. Guess what though? I’m not going to jump off a cliff and claim I can fly. You know why? Because I don’t have fucking wings. So if we don’t have a big man who can shoot jumpers as Carshitty tells us we need to run his shitty offense, why the fuck are we doing it? Ugh.).
Welcome to NU Jershon, but see that curmudgeonly old white guy in the navy blazer trying to tell you what to do? Don’t listen to him, it hasn’t worked for 10 years and it’s not going to work now. It would be like taking skiing lessons from Sonny Bono or marital counseling from Mark Sanford.
one suspects that bill carmody and NU could be cutting down the nets at the final four, and AC would be watching at home, frown on his face, yelling "fuck this! we could have won the national title ten years ago if we'd fired his ass!"
and the title of this post is disingenuous in the extreme, considering in the very next sentence cobb says he can dunk on a big guy, get to the basket, and take contact. but whatever, he exhibited a little modesty. therefore he sucks, he's the next brandon lee.
If NU makes the final four with Bill Car-no-win-dy as coach, I will fly to Evanston, go to the Rock on the NU campus, take out a fork and a knife, and proceed to eat a log of my own shit in front of the entire Northwesten student body while and publicly apologizing for every word I ever typed about Bill Carmody being one of the worst coaches in college basketball. In fact, I'll even wash Carshitty's balls. But....
...when NU fails to go .500 again in the Big Ten and doesn't make the NCAA tourney in Carshitty's 10th year, you have to admit that he sucks as a coach and will never take this program anywhere. If ten years is not long enough to properly judge someone (and ten years is 2.5 recruiting classes), then I need to get into whatever line of business you're in. Seriously, you would be betting on a three standard deviation event and I would be betting on every fucking year of Carshitty's miserable performance at NU.
There are 347 division I NCAA basketball teams and I believe 97 get invited to either the NCAA or NIT tournaments. So basically you have a slightly better than 1 in 4 chance of making a tournament in any given year, unless you are Carshitty and then you go 1 for fucking 9 (and barely 1 for 9, needing a perennial powerhouse, Indiana, to be on scholarship killing probation to do it, which was a 1 standard deviation event).
I don't ever expect NU to be a basketball powerhouse, but at least fucking tickle my balls every once in a while. We're talking a full fucking decade of this shit and we're no better off than we were in 2000 when Car-no-win-dy took over. You know how long ago 2000 was? Google barely existed. There was no TIVO. And Taylor Rain had yet to suck her first dick on camera. Fuck Taylor Rain might not even have sucked her first dick off camera at that point. Long story short, it's been a long fucking time of doing the same bullshit year in and year out and hoping for that 3 standard deviation event that will somehow magically occur with carshitty at the helm. With this guy as our coach, we are rooting for a fat tailed "black swan" because it certainly isn't going to be his coaching that gets us anywhere (and as a side note, AC loves him some fat tails).
You think Thomas Edison would have invented the light bulb by trying the same thing over and over and over for ten fucking years? No fucking way. You have to try different things if you are failing at something and thus NU needs to try a different coach. And don't give me the bullshit that he's turned the program around crap because we made the NIT after his 9 year reign of error, it was a statistical blip. Seriously, don't piss on me and tell me it's raining (unless you're: 1. A hot chick. 2. going to lick it off. and 3. see points 1 and 2.).
Hey, I'm glad we got Jerson and his dunking over big guys but not athletically gifted capabilities. But giving our shitty coach a ferrari doesn't mean he'll be able to work it. Fuck, if you gave me a lobster, some madeira, heavy cream, spices, and white wine, and sent me to the kitchen, you sure as fuck wouldn't get lobster newburg. You'd probably get a drunk lobster and a whole lot of googling to find out what exactly madeira is.
Anonymous (or Mrs. Carmody or whatever your real name may be),
I've said this before but calling me names without offering any type of constructive criticism or refutation of the facts I present is both childish and self-defeating. "I can't out debate AC, so I'll just call him a stupid dick." Great logic there numbnuts (or numb tits should you really be mrs. carmody). Seriously, when one has nothing to say, they just resort to baseless name calling and accusations about lack of knowledge. So douchenozzle, if I don't know anything about basketball, what exactly do you know?
Anyway, let's break down your comments and assume they are valid criticism instead of the whining of an overmatched dimwitted child.
1. You said I might be the stupidest blogger. So I do appreciate the hint of doubt you put into that by saying "might," but the problem with your statement is that I am not actually a blogger. Technically, I am a commenter. I don't run this blog, have no idea who does, and don't even give a shit. I guess you could argue that the blogger vs. commenter debate is simply one of semantics but if I "might" be the stupidest blogger, how would i understand a fancy word like semantics seeing as how I am so stupid? To help prove that I am not stupid, would you prefer an intellectual debate on Proust? Ok. Proust sucked. Your turn.
2. Now you say I don't know shit about basketball, without providing any details as to what shit I don't know. But hey, maybe you're right, maybe I don't know shit about basketball, but the key point is one doesn't need to know shit about basketball to know Car-no-win-dy is an abject failure. Here is what someone who knows nothing about basketball knows as irrefutable facts:
A. In 9 years Carshitty has led NU to 1 post-season tournament, and it wasn't the NCAA. In many fewer years, both of Carmody's predecessors got NU to the same crappy tournament and nobody will argue that they were good coaches (though I have a strange affinity for Ricky Byrdsong and for Kevin O'Neill's filth).
B. Bill Carshitty has had 2 winning seasons in 9 years at NU and only one year was he at .500 in the conference (and of course his under .500 non-conference record that year kept him out of any tournament and how many Big Ten teams in the last 10 years have had losing non-conference records when they schedule schools like northern fucking iowa, robert naia morris, and east dingleberry university?).
C. In Carshitty's supposed "best" year (and a best year for carshitty is kind of like calling something Miyam Bialik's best profile shot), he finished 9th out of 11 teams in the Big Ten and one of those teams was on program killing probation. Great fucking best year when you're still in the bottom 27%.
D. Carshitty has said himself that his Princeton no-offense relies on a big man to shoot jumpers to really make it work. And yet he then admits that he lacks such a big man. Square peg meet round hole, now get in the hole. Come on square peg, damn it, you can fit, I know it, just one more try. I think I can, I think I can. Fucking round hole.
E. 28% of teams every year make either the NCAA or NIT tournament. Using stupid math (since I am a stupid blogger, i mean commenter), that means teams generally have a 1 in 4 chance of making a tournament, so the expectations should be just by luck, your team should get in once every 4 years. Carshitty has been in once in 9 years, and largely thanks to Indiana's statistical fluke probation.
I fucking got cut off before i was done responding so fuck firebillcarmody.com. anyway, here is the rest:
The point is, even supposing I know nothing about basketball, what would I have to know about basketball to look at those facts and see that Carshitty has underperformed? If in 2000, when car-no-win-dy was hired, he got up in front of NU fans and said, "I'm glad to be here. In my first 9 years at NU, I hope to lead us to 0 winning seasons in the Big Ten and 1 NIT appearance." You'd want to fire him right away, right? Well that is what he has fucking done. I have stated again and again, I understand the limitations of recruiting at NU and maintaining a consistently winning program, but carshitty's predecessors had just as much success in less than half the years. It's time to try somethng else, and even if it fails, at least you are trying. Keeping Carshitty is just keeping less than mediocrity. We know who he is.
And while according to you I may know nothing about basketball, I also know nothing about proctology, however I know a piece of shit when I see one and Car-no-win'dy's coaching is a piece of shit.
3. As for calling me a pathetic fuck, I'm not sure where you would be getting your information for that. AC has many lady friends and he is just glad he is getting fucked, no matter how pathetic he may or may not be. As long as he shoots his load, his ranking on the fuck scale is irrelevant to him.
Anyway, while I may be a stupid blogger (commenter), who knows nothing about basketball (other than the facts), and am a pathetic fuck (to whiich I don't care), I have 9 years of results on my side (or non-results), and all you have is a pipe dream and a fucking lack of creativity.
Call me all the unsubstantiated names you want, but it doesn't change the fact that car-no-win-dy sucks at coaching NU basketball like Janne Lindemulder sucks at straight porn (seriously janine, you should have just stuck to chicks, and I won't even get into that tranny shit you were doing.).
Oh new anonymous, I feel like we've met before somewhere, have you ever been to Rick's Cabaret?
Anyway, good question, really, and you didn't resort to calling me a stupid pathetic fuck, so bad on you. A couple of points:
1. Thanks for the backhanded compliment, you sound like my mom. I am glad you find me funny, but I would be curious as to what you disagree with me about in terms of my factual assessment of carshitty, but then again, I am also curious as to why transexuals fuck chicks, so I've learned to accept some things will never be answered.
Carshitty has a fucking .297% Big Ten winning % in 9 miserable years. Now .297 is worth $30MM if you're Milton Bradley, but as a basketball coach that is fucking pathetic. For all you Medil grads, that is an average of 5 wins and 13 losses over an 18 game schedule. We could go to Evanston Township High School and hire whoever the fuck their coach is and do just as well over a 9 year period. Seriously, there is so much random chance involved, a fucking diseased AIDS ridden aardvark could do just as well. Fuck, let’s hire Joe Branch and Jevon Johnson to take over, at least then we would know why NU couldn't score or dribble.
So anonymous Bill Car-no-win-dy supporter, is there a coach in the NCAA who has been with his team for 9 years and has a conference winning % lower than 30% other than this Car-no-win-dy ding dong? Fuck, it doesn't even need to be current. Just find me any coach who has gone 9 years with such a pathetic fucking record and I'll show you an AD who sucked at his job. And this just in: Army fired their coach today after 7 years as he had a 22-76 record in the Patriot League, which again, for you Medil grads, is 289% win % or the fucking same as our Carshitty. Even Army, a school where recruiting has to be harder than it is for NU because afterall, who the fuck wants to go to Iraq for no fucking reason to get shot at even if it means 4 years of college basketball, canned their coach for sucking as bad as Carshitty. Unbelievable.
I know, it may be impossible to win at NU (though don't tell that to Gary Fucking Barnett and his huge fucking balls or Pat Fitzgerald despite where that bad man Paulus touched our secondary last saturday), but I sure as hell know we're not going to do it with Carshitty. And I only have 9 fucking years of proof. Do I need 10 (so says you)?
I got cut off again before i could fully answer your question (so fuck you blogger.com or whaterver). To continue:
2. But to get to your question, for me to consider it a successful year for NU basketball, they will need to have a winning record in the Big Ten. Here is my rule for all college coaches going forward, if you can't go over .500 one year in ten years in your conference, you are automatically demoted to jizz mopper at the local adult cinema, Caster Semenya's bikini waxer, or forced to recite Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice without being allowed to complain about how much it makes you want to kill yourself (hey Jane, Mr. Darcy can go fuck himself). You're choice.
And for all you deluded Carshitty supporters, going over .500 in the Big Ten should be easy this year, right?
Those in favor of Car-no-win-dy I guess would argue that he:
A. has just turned this program around (even though it took him 9 shitass years to do so, but details details, I mean it took Einstein until he was 26 to come up with the Theory of Special Relativity, which is three times longer that it has taken carshitty to not go above .500 in the Big Ten, so time is our friend, and time is relative anyway, so I guess who gives a fuck).
B. Now has an experienced team with NU's appearance in the NIT (even though we lost to some school in Oklahoma where the wins apparently don't come sweepin' down to our players. And yes, I'm banging out show tunes references here, so fuck off).
C. Has done a better job recruiting as his recent recruits have been better than his traditional Croatian poo poo platter (thanks to Tavares Hardy).
D. Has the best returning nucleus of the Car-no-win-dy error with Coble, Thompson, Mr. under 19 USA team Shurna, Rowley, Nash to be a defensive stopper, and a croatian to be named later.
So if I am to believe the carshitty supporters (and really you should all come up with a name for yourselves, I would suggest Carmediocrity-ites, but then again, calling carshitty mediocre would be a compliment) then going over .500 in the Big Ten this year should be no problem, after all we should definitely beat Indiana twice again since their probation last year didn't hurt them at all and since we've gone 2-0 against them zero times in the past 50000000 years before the probation).
So at least 9-7 in the Big Ten and I will consider it successful.
Now if Carshitty goes 5-13 again (which is the most likely scenario), will you finally stop your delusions of grandeur and wake up to the crappiness of this princeton no-offense and 1-3-1 gimmick defense that allowed some douche nozzle 7 footer from tulsa to cock slam little Juice Thompson in the eye for 40 straight minutes? Fuck, I think NU basketball fans suffer from the Stockholm Syndrome and I am more than happy to pass out hugs to get you all through it (provided you are female, have no facial hair, and you interpretation of "pass out hugs" means "receive fellatio").
as for why i support carmody, well, i think the program is in better shape right now than at any other point in its history since the 1930s. would i have supported firing him after that 1-17 disaster in 2007? absolutely. but they didn't, and now the program just made the postseason and is recruiting better than it ever has. i just don't think it makes any sense to fire a coach once he finally, finally has some sustainable upward momentum, no matter what his resume looks like to this point. also -- and this has nothing to do with basketball -- he's one of the nicest, funniest coaches i've ever met, so i have a hard time rooting against him.
however, if the team crashes and burns this year, they should fire his ass. my support of him is predicated on continued improvement based upon the increased talent level.
i want to see us make the tournament. if that takes a +.500 big ten record, then so be it, but i want to see us in the NCAAs. if the talent is improving like they say, that's not an unreasonable goal at all.
1. "I think the program is in better shape right now than at any other point in its history since the 1930s."
Well that's a pretty low fucking bar. You know what else is probably in the best shape since 1930? Iraq. And guess what? There aren't enough tits in the world to make me want to live there. It is fucking irrelevant where we are in regards to where we have been (though I would argue we are in exactly the same place as usual). NU has been an abortion of a basketball program for years and even if maybe we are now a regular term abortion instead of one of those messy late term abortions, it is still a fucking abortion. We were 9th out of 11 teams with whom we compete. That sucks in any language, except maybe Swahili (and I'm not entirely sure what that means).
2. "would i have supported firing him after that 1-17 disaster in 2007? absolutely."
So last year at this time, you were just like me and supported canning Car-no-win-dy but now that he was able to finish 9th in the Big Ten instead of 11th (thanks to Indiana fielding a team of walk-ons, 12th men, and child molesters (ok, maybe not child molesters)), he's worth keeping? Great logic. Hey, Joseph Hazlewood, you really fucked up when you sunk the Exxon Valdez, but we gave you another shot and you only nicked the reef instead of barrelling into it this time, so things are fucking looking a lot better. You can definitely keep captaining our ships. Carshitty has been at this 9 years. After that much time, you are what you are. There is no upside here. His winning % was within 1 standard deviation of his career Big Ten winning %. It's like you're at the doctor for your first prostate exam, he's run out of vaseline, and you're closing your eyes and hoping it won't hurt. Well guess what? Anytime someone sticks their fingers up your ass it's going to fucking hurt and anytime Bill Carshitty coaches NU, we're going to fucking suck.
3. "just don't think it makes any sense to fire a coach once he finally, finally has some sustainable upward momentum"
What is this sustainable momentum?????? NU went 4-7 in their last 11 games after their 13-7 start. Newsflash since maybe you were a Medil grad (and that joke never gets old): 4 and 7 is a 36% winning %. You know who wins 36% of the time? Losers and the Brooklyn Brawler. Not only did we lose whatever momentum we had from the first part of our easy non-conference schedule, but the only thing "sustainable" and "upward" about the end of our year was Tulsa's shlongs going right up Carshitty's ass as they abused his offensive and defensive gimmickry in the NIT.
4. "he's one of the nicest, funniest coaches i've ever met, so i have a hard time rooting against him"
You know who else was a nice funny coach? Dick McPherson, one of the worst coaches in NFL history. You ever hear of Dick Vitale, he's a nice funny coach too. Fuck, Ricky Byrdsong was a fuckload nicer and funnier than Carmody and he sucked as a coach. If being nice and funny is the main criteria for coaches we should just hire Jay fucking Leno (oh right, he's not funny), or me (oh right, I'm not fucking nice). The point is, I don't give a flying fuck (and to be honest, i am not even sure how a fuck would fly, but details, details), whether our coach is fucking nice or funny. He's hired to win games within the legal bounds of the NCAA. That's it. This isn't high school or rec league shit, this is Big Ten basketball. If we don't want to win, we should join whatever shitty conference U of C is in and spend 40 minutes seeing whose protractor is larger and debating Milton Friedman's stance on Keynesian economics or whether or not Shelley Long really did get pounded in the Allison Hall showers.
I'm not sure what more I can add here. I've used facts and logic and only been refuted by blind hope and unsubstainted faith. Now I know how Scopes felt.
AC is my favorite poster here, by far. Not just because he's funny, or because he's not nice (both of which are fine qualities, by the way), but because he shows some passion for the program. If Carmody had the same passion exhibited by AC, then I'd agree with those who believe the program is going in the right direction. Unfortunately, there's no one connected to the team with AC's passion.
I'll buy into this "right direcion" meme when I see it on the court. I'm tired of always being "one year away."
all i can say is that when you're coming off one of the two most successful seasons since the 1930s, and you're suddenly recruiting at a level unprecedented in program history, and you're actually getting positive media attention, you don't fire the coach.
yeah, success is relative, but this is northwestern. you say that anytime bill carmody coaches the team, they're going to suck -- well, anytime anyone coaches the team, they're going to suck. that's what northwestern does. suck. always has. so when i see a team that has an actual, legitimate shot at going to the ncaa tournament, you'll forgive me for wanting to give them the chance to do so, regardless of what they have or haven't accomplished in the past 9 years.
also, to buckyor, i assume you're a current or former player or coach -- otherwise you're talking out of your ass when you're discussing who has "passion" and who doesn't. or are you suggesting that, say, tavaras hardy lacks passion for the program? quite an accomplishment for a passionless man to get a four-star commit.
First of all, when did Anonymous become such a popular name? What the fuck ever happened to regular old names like Tom, Dick, and Fuckface? Anyway, the key point you keep disregarding is LOGIC.
Here are Carshitty's Big Ten winning percentages: 18.8%, 43.8%, 18.8%, 50%, 37.5%, 37.5%, 12.5%, 5.6%, 44.4%. Now look at the pattern. What don't you see (other than one year with a winning record)? Oh yeah, not once in nine fucking years has he shown consecutive seasons of improvement. Maybe I should say that louder and angrier: NOT ONCE HAS CARSHITTY SHOWN FUCKING CONSECUTIVE SEASONS OF IMPROVEMENT.
One step forward, two steps back. Fuck, even dingbat Paula Abdul knew that at a minimum you need to take 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. You know how many fucking times I have heard that Carshitty finally has this program turned around and has all of these great recruits?? Fucking too many. He has never once built on a positive season. Not once. He's like fucking Fall. Everyone loves Summer, but then that asshole Fall has to come around and ruin the season. Never fucking fails. Spring leads to Summer and then when we get our hopes up, Fall comes and fucks us (those of you smart enough to live on the West Coast, I'll explain all of this later). Everytime Carshitty improves his win % (like spring to summer, to help make this analogy clearer), he just falls back (pun intended) to the shit with which he started.
Look at those winning %s again. I am amazed at how random of a pattern they seem to be, but I readily admit I wasn't one of those MMSI assclowns at NU so I don't fully understand Bayesian probability, Brownian motion, or even Ito's fucking Lemma (Though I do understand Ito's fucking dilemma and that was that he had to rule OJ innocent even though that fucker was guiltier than Taylor Rain is guilty of loving it in the pooper). So let's assume the pattern is truly random (and I know I have done this before, but the anonymous crowd hates to listen), the average is a 29.9% winning %. The standard deviation is 16.1% (as calculated by Excel, I would have calculated it by hand, but I don't have the time or enough fingers to do so, so we'll assume Excel actually works). So what that says, is that Car-no-win-dy should, just through random fucking chance based on his SHOWN SKILL SET of 9 years of data, win between 13.8% and 45.9% of NU's Big Ten Games a year. And guess the fuck what? His 8 wins last year were within that range. Random fucking chance.
oh yeah when you say: "yeah, success is relative, but this is northwestern. you say that anytime bill carmody coaches the team, they're going to suck -- well, anytime anyone coaches the team, they're going to suck. that's what northwestern does. suck. always has."
That is the completely wrong fucking attitude. NU doesn't have to always suck. Seriously, did you not see the size of Gary Barnett's balls as he fucking sang High Hopes on the Tonight Show? They needed a fucking separate couch for them. His balls were so immense they made Jay Leno's chin shudder.
Yes, we may always suck. It is apparently not easy to win basketball games at a major university when you have admissions restrictions, shitty facilities, and fans and alumni who are happy with worse than mediocrity. But the only way to guarantee we always suck is to KEEP DOING THE SAME FUCKING THING. ugh. I have seriously seen parrots who don't have to repeat themselves as much as I have to (Carshitty want a cracker?), perhaps next time I should hold your hand as I walk through this as I know learning new things can be scary.
After reading this blog for I don't know how long, I feel that there is really only one real solution.
Given his passion, his clear understanding of logic, basketball stats(and frankly most stats) and his true passion, AC is the right choice for the next coach of NU.
I bet he does no worse than Carmody. Infact, afer 9 seasons, I bet he will have a better winning percentage - and unlike carmody, he will show actual improvement each year.
So I will send this note along with my annual donation to NU.
You are correct, "anonymous", Tavaras Hardy may indeed have some passion for the program. Unfortunately, last time I checked, he was not the guy in charge.
I wonder what it's like for high school kid to be recruited by Hardy, who does indeed seem to have a real enthusiasm for the program- and then meet Mr. Personality himself, Bill Carmody. I bet that's a real eye opener.
As for our new "four-star recruit"- again, I'll wait 'til I see him perform on the floor to get excited. I've seen too many Eastern Europeans who can't shoot (how hard do you have to look to find Europeans who can't shoot? It's like finding Frenchmen who don't drink wine, or surly Canadians. I didn't even know they existed.) to get worked up about some guy from Georgia who, by his own words, is not "super athletic."
Wait- he's from Georgia? You don't suppose Carmody made the mistake of thinking he's from Eastern Europe, do you?
21 Comments:
The guy is a four-star recruit. Has Northwestern ever had one of those? Face it, Carmody has this program moving in the right direction. If we can land those players from Georgia in the 2011 class, NU hoops will reach a new dimension (and it's taken long enough).
it's a big step up from the Croatian YMCA at any rate.
sadly, my first reaction when NU lands a top recruit is to wonder what's wrong with him that made other people not want the guy. until one of these kids comes in and shows he's a legit stud, thats not gonna change. especially after all the hype for that fat load Rowley.
If you read about him, you'll see that plenty of other schools did want him. I believe he chose NU over five other schools, including Auburn and Boston College. The fact is, we'll never consistently land five-star recruits like Ohio State, UNC, and Duke. If we can keep getting guys like Jershon Cobb, we WILL make the NCAA tournament, hopefully sooner rather than later.
Awesome, really awesome. It only took Carshitty 10 years to nab a four star prospect (whatever that means, though how many stars did Coble, Shurna, and Rawley have?) and it was largely due to Tavares Hardy’s recruiting (good thing we didn’t just hire a more established and more connected Tavares Hardy in Craig fucking Robinson 3 years ago, but whatever, let’s let bygones be bygones).
So ten years, and one four star prospect. I am thinking of a cliché here but can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it:
1. Even a broken clock is right twice a day? No, that’s not quite it.
2. If you fuck enough vaginas, eventually you’ll get AIDS? Kind of, but in a better way.
3. The sun shines on a dog’s ass some days? Yes, I think this it. With Car-no-win-dy being the dog’s ass (at least his coaching is), and “some days” being one day in ten long, unrewarding, failed years.
If you shoot enough times, it’s bound to go in as even the great Dan Kreft once made a basket, so congrats to NU for finally landing the marquee recruit the Carshitty error so desperately needed.
And I love the fact that our first four star recruit isn’t very athletic. He will fit in perfectly as we pass the ball around the three point arc for 34 seconds before launching up a desperation 3 pointer, just like car-no-windy drew up in his Princeton no-offense notebook (ok, calling it a notebook may be a bit of an overstatement, it’s more like an index card, if that index card had been ripped in half and shit on).
Hopefully Jershon will be able to pass the ball to our big man to shoot foul line extended jumpers which is key to the Princeton no-offense (oh wait, we don’t have the big man who can shoot jumpers to run this offense, details details. Guess what though? I’m not going to jump off a cliff and claim I can fly. You know why? Because I don’t have fucking wings. So if we don’t have a big man who can shoot jumpers as Carshitty tells us we need to run his shitty offense, why the fuck are we doing it? Ugh.).
Welcome to NU Jershon, but see that curmudgeonly old white guy in the navy blazer trying to tell you what to do? Don’t listen to him, it hasn’t worked for 10 years and it’s not going to work now. It would be like taking skiing lessons from Sonny Bono or marital counseling from Mark Sanford.
Fuck Carmody.
AC
one suspects that bill carmody and NU could be cutting down the nets at the final four, and AC would be watching at home, frown on his face, yelling "fuck this! we could have won the national title ten years ago if we'd fired his ass!"
and the title of this post is disingenuous in the extreme, considering in the very next sentence cobb says he can dunk on a big guy, get to the basket, and take contact. but whatever, he exhibited a little modesty. therefore he sucks, he's the next brandon lee.
If NU makes the final four with Bill Car-no-win-dy as coach, I will fly to Evanston, go to the Rock on the NU campus, take out a fork and a knife, and proceed to eat a log of my own shit in front of the entire Northwesten student body while and publicly apologizing for every word I ever typed about Bill Carmody being one of the worst coaches in college basketball. In fact, I'll even wash Carshitty's balls. But....
...when NU fails to go .500 again in the Big Ten and doesn't make the NCAA tourney in Carshitty's 10th year, you have to admit that he sucks as a coach and will never take this program anywhere. If ten years is not long enough to properly judge someone (and ten years is 2.5 recruiting classes), then I need to get into whatever line of business you're in. Seriously, you would be betting on a three standard deviation event and I would be betting on every fucking year of Carshitty's miserable performance at NU.
There are 347 division I NCAA basketball teams and I believe 97 get invited to either the NCAA or NIT tournaments. So basically you have a slightly better than 1 in 4 chance of making a tournament in any given year, unless you are Carshitty and then you go 1 for fucking 9 (and barely 1 for 9, needing a perennial powerhouse, Indiana, to be on scholarship killing probation to do it, which was a 1 standard deviation event).
I don't ever expect NU to be a basketball powerhouse, but at least fucking tickle my balls every once in a while. We're talking a full fucking decade of this shit and we're no better off than we were in 2000 when Car-no-win-dy took over. You know how long ago 2000 was? Google barely existed. There was no TIVO. And Taylor Rain had yet to suck her first dick on camera. Fuck Taylor Rain might not even have sucked her first dick off camera at that point. Long story short, it's been a long fucking time of doing the same bullshit year in and year out and hoping for that 3 standard deviation event that will somehow magically occur with carshitty at the helm. With this guy as our coach, we are rooting for a fat tailed "black swan" because it certainly isn't going to be his coaching that gets us anywhere (and as a side note, AC loves him some fat tails).
You think Thomas Edison would have invented the light bulb by trying the same thing over and over and over for ten fucking years? No fucking way. You have to try different things if you are failing at something and thus NU needs to try a different coach. And don't give me the bullshit that he's turned the program around crap because we made the NIT after his 9 year reign of error, it was a statistical blip. Seriously, don't piss on me and tell me it's raining (unless you're: 1. A hot chick. 2. going to lick it off. and 3. see points 1 and 2.).
Hey, I'm glad we got Jerson and his dunking over big guys but not athletically gifted capabilities. But giving our shitty coach a ferrari doesn't mean he'll be able to work it. Fuck, if you gave me a lobster, some madeira, heavy cream, spices, and white wine, and sent me to the kitchen, you sure as fuck wouldn't get lobster newburg. You'd probably get a drunk lobster and a whole lot of googling to find out what exactly madeira is.
Fuck Carmody.
AC
@AC Wow. You might be the stupidest blogger on the entire internet. You don't know shit about basketball. Pathetic fuck.
@AC Your posts just made my day...fucking hilarious. NCAA or Bust for Carmody this year
Anonymous (or Mrs. Carmody or whatever your real name may be),
I've said this before but calling me names without offering any type of constructive criticism or refutation of the facts I present is both childish and self-defeating. "I can't out debate AC, so I'll just call him a stupid dick." Great logic there numbnuts (or numb tits should you really be mrs. carmody). Seriously, when one has nothing to say, they just resort to baseless name calling and accusations about lack of knowledge. So douchenozzle, if I don't know anything about basketball, what exactly do you know?
Anyway, let's break down your comments and assume they are valid criticism instead of the whining of an overmatched dimwitted child.
1. You said I might be the stupidest blogger. So I do appreciate the hint of doubt you put into that by saying "might," but the problem with your statement is that I am not actually a blogger. Technically, I am a commenter. I don't run this blog, have no idea who does, and don't even give a shit. I guess you could argue that the blogger vs. commenter debate is simply one of semantics but if I "might" be the stupidest blogger, how would i understand a fancy word like semantics seeing as how I am so stupid? To help prove that I am not stupid, would you prefer an intellectual debate on Proust? Ok. Proust sucked. Your turn.
2. Now you say I don't know shit about basketball, without providing any details as to what shit I don't know. But hey, maybe you're right, maybe I don't know shit about basketball, but the key point is one doesn't need to know shit about basketball to know Car-no-win-dy is an abject failure. Here is what someone who knows nothing about basketball knows as irrefutable facts:
A. In 9 years Carshitty has led NU to 1 post-season tournament, and it wasn't the NCAA. In many fewer years, both of Carmody's predecessors got NU to the same crappy tournament and nobody will argue that they were good coaches (though I have a strange affinity for Ricky Byrdsong and for Kevin O'Neill's filth).
B. Bill Carshitty has had 2 winning seasons in 9 years at NU and only one year was he at .500 in the conference (and of course his under .500 non-conference record that year kept him out of any tournament and how many Big Ten teams in the last 10 years have had losing non-conference records when they schedule schools like northern fucking iowa, robert naia morris, and east dingleberry university?).
C. In Carshitty's supposed "best" year (and a best year for carshitty is kind of like calling something Miyam Bialik's best profile shot), he finished 9th out of 11 teams in the Big Ten and one of those teams was on program killing probation. Great fucking best year when you're still in the bottom 27%.
D. Carshitty has said himself that his Princeton no-offense relies on a big man to shoot jumpers to really make it work. And yet he then admits that he lacks such a big man. Square peg meet round hole, now get in the hole. Come on square peg, damn it, you can fit, I know it, just one more try. I think I can, I think I can. Fucking round hole.
E. 28% of teams every year make either the NCAA or NIT tournament. Using stupid math (since I am a stupid blogger, i mean commenter), that means teams generally have a 1 in 4 chance of making a tournament, so the expectations should be just by luck, your team should get in once every 4 years. Carshitty has been in once in 9 years, and largely thanks to Indiana's statistical fluke probation.
I fucking got cut off before i was done responding so fuck firebillcarmody.com. anyway, here is the rest:
The point is, even supposing I know nothing about basketball, what would I have to know about basketball to look at those facts and see that Carshitty has underperformed? If in 2000, when car-no-win-dy was hired, he got up in front of NU fans and said, "I'm glad to be here. In my first 9 years at NU, I hope to lead us to 0 winning seasons in the Big Ten and 1 NIT appearance." You'd want to fire him right away, right? Well that is what he has fucking done. I have stated again and again, I understand the limitations of recruiting at NU and maintaining a consistently winning program, but carshitty's predecessors had just as much success in less than half the years. It's time to try somethng else, and even if it fails, at least you are trying. Keeping Carshitty is just keeping less than mediocrity. We know who he is.
And while according to you I may know nothing about basketball, I also know nothing about proctology, however I know a piece of shit when I see one and Car-no-win'dy's coaching is a piece of shit.
3. As for calling me a pathetic fuck, I'm not sure where you would be getting your information for that. AC has many lady friends and he is just glad he is getting fucked, no matter how pathetic he may or may not be. As long as he shoots his load, his ranking on the fuck scale is irrelevant to him.
Anyway, while I may be a stupid blogger (commenter), who knows nothing about basketball (other than the facts), and am a pathetic fuck (to whiich I don't care), I have 9 years of results on my side (or non-results), and all you have is a pipe dream and a fucking lack of creativity.
Call me all the unsubstantiated names you want, but it doesn't change the fact that car-no-win-dy sucks at coaching NU basketball like Janne Lindemulder sucks at straight porn (seriously janine, you should have just stuck to chicks, and I won't even get into that tranny shit you were doing.).
Fuck Carmody
AC
i'm curious, AC -- what would NU have to do in 2009-2010 for it to be a successful season in your eyes? serious question.
and i'm a different anonymous. i don't agree with anything you say about carmody, really, but you say it hilariously and i enjoy it.
Oh new anonymous, I feel like we've met before somewhere, have you ever been to Rick's Cabaret?
Anyway, good question, really, and you didn't resort to calling me a stupid pathetic fuck, so bad on you. A couple of points:
1. Thanks for the backhanded compliment, you sound like my mom. I am glad you find me funny, but I would be curious as to what you disagree with me about in terms of my factual assessment of carshitty, but then again, I am also curious as to why transexuals fuck chicks, so I've learned to accept some things will never be answered.
Carshitty has a fucking .297% Big Ten winning % in 9 miserable years. Now .297 is worth $30MM if you're Milton Bradley, but as a basketball coach that is fucking pathetic. For all you Medil grads, that is an average of 5 wins and 13 losses over an 18 game schedule. We could go to Evanston Township High School and hire whoever the fuck their coach is and do just as well over a 9 year period. Seriously, there is so much random chance involved, a fucking diseased AIDS ridden aardvark could do just as well. Fuck, let’s hire Joe Branch and Jevon Johnson to take over, at least then we would know why NU couldn't score or dribble.
So anonymous Bill Car-no-win-dy supporter, is there a coach in the NCAA who has been with his team for 9 years and has a conference winning % lower than 30% other than this Car-no-win-dy ding dong? Fuck, it doesn't even need to be current. Just find me any coach who has gone 9 years with such a pathetic fucking record and I'll show you an AD who sucked at his job. And this just in: Army fired their coach today after 7 years as he had a 22-76 record in the Patriot League, which again, for you Medil grads, is 289% win % or the fucking same as our Carshitty. Even Army, a school where recruiting has to be harder than it is for NU because afterall, who the fuck wants to go to Iraq for no fucking reason to get shot at even if it means 4 years of college basketball, canned their coach for sucking as bad as Carshitty. Unbelievable.
I know, it may be impossible to win at NU (though don't tell that to Gary Fucking Barnett and his huge fucking balls or Pat Fitzgerald despite where that bad man Paulus touched our secondary last saturday), but I sure as hell know we're not going to do it with Carshitty. And I only have 9 fucking years of proof. Do I need 10 (so says you)?
I got cut off again before i could fully answer your question (so fuck you blogger.com or whaterver). To continue:
2. But to get to your question, for me to consider it a successful year for NU basketball, they will need to have a winning record in the Big Ten. Here is my rule for all college coaches going forward, if you can't go over .500 one year in ten years in your conference, you are automatically demoted to jizz mopper at the local adult cinema, Caster Semenya's bikini waxer, or forced to recite Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice without being allowed to complain about how much it makes you want to kill yourself (hey Jane, Mr. Darcy can go fuck himself). You're choice.
And for all you deluded Carshitty supporters, going over .500 in the Big Ten should be easy this year, right?
Those in favor of Car-no-win-dy I guess would argue that he:
A. has just turned this program around (even though it took him 9 shitass years to do so, but details details, I mean it took Einstein until he was 26 to come up with the Theory of Special Relativity, which is three times longer that it has taken carshitty to not go above .500 in the Big Ten, so time is our friend, and time is relative anyway, so I guess who gives a fuck).
B. Now has an experienced team with NU's appearance in the NIT (even though we lost to some school in Oklahoma where the wins apparently don't come sweepin' down to our players. And yes, I'm banging out show tunes references here, so fuck off).
C. Has done a better job recruiting as his recent recruits have been better than his traditional Croatian poo poo platter (thanks to Tavares Hardy).
D. Has the best returning nucleus of the Car-no-win-dy error with Coble, Thompson, Mr. under 19 USA team Shurna, Rowley, Nash to be a defensive stopper, and a croatian to be named later.
So if I am to believe the carshitty supporters (and really you should all come up with a name for yourselves, I would suggest Carmediocrity-ites, but then again, calling carshitty mediocre would be a compliment) then going over .500 in the Big Ten this year should be no problem, after all we should definitely beat Indiana twice again since their probation last year didn't hurt them at all and since we've gone 2-0 against them zero times in the past 50000000 years before the probation).
So at least 9-7 in the Big Ten and I will consider it successful.
Now if Carshitty goes 5-13 again (which is the most likely scenario), will you finally stop your delusions of grandeur and wake up to the crappiness of this princeton no-offense and 1-3-1 gimmick defense that allowed some douche nozzle 7 footer from tulsa to cock slam little Juice Thompson in the eye for 40 straight minutes? Fuck, I think NU basketball fans suffer from the Stockholm Syndrome and I am more than happy to pass out hugs to get you all through it (provided you are female, have no facial hair, and you interpretation of "pass out hugs" means "receive fellatio").
Fuck Carmody.
AC
Check-plus for Oklahoma! reference
as for why i support carmody, well, i think the program is in better shape right now than at any other point in its history since the 1930s. would i have supported firing him after that 1-17 disaster in 2007? absolutely. but they didn't, and now the program just made the postseason and is recruiting better than it ever has. i just don't think it makes any sense to fire a coach once he finally, finally has some sustainable upward momentum, no matter what his resume looks like to this point. also -- and this has nothing to do with basketball -- he's one of the nicest, funniest coaches i've ever met, so i have a hard time rooting against him.
however, if the team crashes and burns this year, they should fire his ass. my support of him is predicated on continued improvement based upon the increased talent level.
i want to see us make the tournament. if that takes a +.500 big ten record, then so be it, but i want to see us in the NCAAs. if the talent is improving like they say, that's not an unreasonable goal at all.
Anonymous II,
Let me just go quickly through your points.
1. "I think the program is in better shape right now than at any other point in its history since the 1930s."
Well that's a pretty low fucking bar. You know what else is probably in the best shape since 1930? Iraq. And guess what? There aren't enough tits in the world to make me want to live there. It is fucking irrelevant where we are in regards to where we have been (though I would argue we are in exactly the same place as usual). NU has been an abortion of a basketball program for years and even if maybe we are now a regular term abortion instead of one of those messy late term abortions, it is still a fucking abortion. We were 9th out of 11 teams with whom we compete. That sucks in any language, except maybe Swahili (and I'm not entirely sure what that means).
2. "would i have supported firing him after that 1-17 disaster in 2007? absolutely."
So last year at this time, you were just like me and supported canning Car-no-win-dy but now that he was able to finish 9th in the Big Ten instead of 11th (thanks to Indiana fielding a team of walk-ons, 12th men, and child molesters (ok, maybe not child molesters)), he's worth keeping? Great logic. Hey, Joseph Hazlewood, you really fucked up when you sunk the Exxon Valdez, but we gave you another shot and you only nicked the reef instead of barrelling into it this time, so things are fucking looking a lot better. You can definitely keep captaining our ships. Carshitty has been at this 9 years. After that much time, you are what you are. There is no upside here. His winning % was within 1 standard deviation of his career Big Ten winning %. It's like you're at the doctor for your first prostate exam, he's run out of vaseline, and you're closing your eyes and hoping it won't hurt. Well guess what? Anytime someone sticks their fingers up your ass it's going to fucking hurt and anytime Bill Carshitty coaches NU, we're going to fucking suck.
3. "just don't think it makes any sense to fire a coach once he finally, finally has some sustainable upward momentum"
What is this sustainable momentum?????? NU went 4-7 in their last 11 games after their 13-7 start. Newsflash since maybe you were a Medil grad (and that joke never gets old): 4 and 7 is a 36% winning %. You know who wins 36% of the time? Losers and the Brooklyn Brawler. Not only did we lose whatever momentum we had from the first part of our easy non-conference schedule, but the only thing "sustainable" and "upward" about the end of our year was Tulsa's shlongs going right up Carshitty's ass as they abused his offensive and defensive gimmickry in the NIT.
4. "he's one of the nicest, funniest coaches i've ever met, so i have a hard time rooting against him"
You know who else was a nice funny coach? Dick McPherson, one of the worst coaches in NFL history. You ever hear of Dick Vitale, he's a nice funny coach too. Fuck, Ricky Byrdsong was a fuckload nicer and funnier than Carmody and he sucked as a coach. If being nice and funny is the main criteria for coaches we should just hire Jay fucking Leno (oh right, he's not funny), or me (oh right, I'm not fucking nice). The point is, I don't give a flying fuck (and to be honest, i am not even sure how a fuck would fly, but details, details), whether our coach is fucking nice or funny. He's hired to win games within the legal bounds of the NCAA. That's it. This isn't high school or rec league shit, this is Big Ten basketball. If we don't want to win, we should join whatever shitty conference U of C is in and spend 40 minutes seeing whose protractor is larger and debating Milton Friedman's stance on Keynesian economics or whether or not Shelley Long really did get pounded in the Allison Hall showers.
I'm not sure what more I can add here. I've used facts and logic and only been refuted by blind hope and unsubstainted faith. Now I know how Scopes felt.
Fuck Carmody
AC
AC is my favorite poster here, by far. Not just because he's funny, or because he's not nice (both of which are fine qualities, by the way), but because he shows some passion for the program. If Carmody had the same passion exhibited by AC, then I'd agree with those who believe the program is going in the right direction. Unfortunately, there's no one connected to the team with AC's passion.
I'll buy into this "right direcion" meme when I see it on the court. I'm tired of always being "one year away."
all i can say is that when you're coming off one of the two most successful seasons since the 1930s, and you're suddenly recruiting at a level unprecedented in program history, and you're actually getting positive media attention, you don't fire the coach.
yeah, success is relative, but this is northwestern. you say that anytime bill carmody coaches the team, they're going to suck -- well, anytime anyone coaches the team, they're going to suck. that's what northwestern does. suck. always has. so when i see a team that has an actual, legitimate shot at going to the ncaa tournament, you'll forgive me for wanting to give them the chance to do so, regardless of what they have or haven't accomplished in the past 9 years.
also, to buckyor, i assume you're a current or former player or coach -- otherwise you're talking out of your ass when you're discussing who has "passion" and who doesn't. or are you suggesting that, say, tavaras hardy lacks passion for the program? quite an accomplishment for a passionless man to get a four-star commit.
First of all, when did Anonymous become such a popular name? What the fuck ever happened to regular old names like Tom, Dick, and Fuckface? Anyway, the key point you keep disregarding is LOGIC.
Here are Carshitty's Big Ten winning percentages: 18.8%, 43.8%, 18.8%, 50%, 37.5%, 37.5%, 12.5%, 5.6%, 44.4%. Now look at the pattern. What don't you see (other than one year with a winning record)? Oh yeah, not once in nine fucking years has he shown consecutive seasons of improvement. Maybe I should say that louder and angrier: NOT ONCE HAS CARSHITTY SHOWN FUCKING CONSECUTIVE SEASONS OF IMPROVEMENT.
One step forward, two steps back. Fuck, even dingbat Paula Abdul knew that at a minimum you need to take 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. You know how many fucking times I have heard that Carshitty finally has this program turned around and has all of these great recruits?? Fucking too many. He has never once built on a positive season. Not once. He's like fucking Fall. Everyone loves Summer, but then that asshole Fall has to come around and ruin the season. Never fucking fails. Spring leads to Summer and then when we get our hopes up, Fall comes and fucks us (those of you smart enough to live on the West Coast, I'll explain all of this later). Everytime Carshitty improves his win % (like spring to summer, to help make this analogy clearer), he just falls back (pun intended) to the shit with which he started.
Look at those winning %s again. I am amazed at how random of a pattern they seem to be, but I readily admit I wasn't one of those MMSI assclowns at NU so I don't fully understand Bayesian probability, Brownian motion, or even Ito's fucking Lemma (Though I do understand Ito's fucking dilemma and that was that he had to rule OJ innocent even though that fucker was guiltier than Taylor Rain is guilty of loving it in the pooper). So let's assume the pattern is truly random (and I know I have done this before, but the anonymous crowd hates to listen), the average is a 29.9% winning %. The standard deviation is 16.1% (as calculated by Excel, I would have calculated it by hand, but I don't have the time or enough fingers to do so, so we'll assume Excel actually works). So what that says, is that Car-no-win-dy should, just through random fucking chance based on his SHOWN SKILL SET of 9 years of data, win between 13.8% and 45.9% of NU's Big Ten Games a year. And guess the fuck what? His 8 wins last year were within that range. Random fucking chance.
oh yeah when you say: "yeah, success is relative, but this is northwestern. you say that anytime bill carmody coaches the team, they're going to suck -- well, anytime anyone coaches the team, they're going to suck. that's what northwestern does. suck. always has."
That is the completely wrong fucking attitude. NU doesn't have to always suck. Seriously, did you not see the size of Gary Barnett's balls as he fucking sang High Hopes on the Tonight Show? They needed a fucking separate couch for them. His balls were so immense they made Jay Leno's chin shudder.
Yes, we may always suck. It is apparently not easy to win basketball games at a major university when you have admissions restrictions, shitty facilities, and fans and alumni who are happy with worse than mediocrity. But the only way to guarantee we always suck is to KEEP DOING THE SAME FUCKING THING. ugh. I have seriously seen parrots who don't have to repeat themselves as much as I have to (Carshitty want a cracker?), perhaps next time I should hold your hand as I walk through this as I know learning new things can be scary.
Fuck Carmody
AC
After reading this blog for I don't know how long, I feel that there is really only one real solution.
Given his passion, his clear understanding of logic, basketball stats(and frankly most stats) and his true passion, AC is the right choice for the next coach of NU.
I bet he does no worse than Carmody. Infact, afer 9 seasons, I bet he will have a better winning percentage - and unlike carmody, he will show actual improvement each year.
So I will send this note along with my annual donation to NU.
Go Cats.
You are correct, "anonymous", Tavaras Hardy may indeed have some passion for the program. Unfortunately, last time I checked, he was not the guy in charge.
I wonder what it's like for high school kid to be recruited by Hardy, who does indeed seem to have a real enthusiasm for the program- and then meet Mr. Personality himself, Bill Carmody. I bet that's a real eye opener.
As for our new "four-star recruit"- again, I'll wait 'til I see him perform on the floor to get excited. I've seen too many Eastern Europeans who can't shoot (how hard do you have to look to find Europeans who can't shoot? It's like finding Frenchmen who don't drink wine, or surly Canadians. I didn't even know they existed.) to get worked up about some guy from Georgia who, by his own words, is not "super athletic."
Wait- he's from Georgia? You don't suppose Carmody made the mistake of thinking he's from Eastern Europe, do you?
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