Happy new year from AC
presented below in their unedited entirety are four emails FBC received from AC Titticock. these were sent to me during and after the loss to Iowa in October, and i wasn't sure what to do with them until now. enjoy.
*****
Sat, Oct 15, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Subject: Fitz=Carmody?
Dear Bill Carmody, AC Means Pat Fitzgerald,
WE HAVE THE BEST QB IN NU HISTORY WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ROTATING HIM WITH KAIN FUCKING COLTER???????????????????????? and yes, the caps were intentional.
I might have to fucking slum it and post something on laketheposts. FUCKING Moronic.
Fuck Carmody,
AC
*****
Sat, Oct 15, 2011 at 8:47 PM
No subject
Dan persa is fucking good at football. Carshitty should recruit him to play the bottom of the 1-3-1 defense.
fuck carmody,
AC
*****
Sat, Oct 15, 2011 at 9:26 PM
Subject: 3rd and 5
AND WE BRING IN COLTER????????????????????????
Persa is like 30 of 36 throwing the ball, no fucking joke, and we bring in cain kolter on 3rd and 5 to run the option which ISN'T FOOLING ANYONE.
ugh.
Fuck carmody,
AC
*****
Sun, Oct 16, 2011 at 11:19 AM
No subject
The 3rd and 5 play in the 4th quarter when we were driving and only down 7 is pretty much a microcosm of this season. I’ll try to type this without dropping too many f-bombs, but we have the BEST QB IN NU HISTORY (or at least since Otto Graham was going deep on flappers by the Rock, and apologies to the great Lenny Williams and Brett Basanez, but Persa is better) who at that point in the game had completed like 54 consecutive passes and was something like 98 for 102 and had converted 37 straight third downs (2 thumbs up for Ebert by the way) all while solving the elusive P vs. NP problem (and I may have rounded some of those numbers up a bit) and yet WE FUCKING TAKE HIM OUT ON THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAY OF THE GAME FOR KAIN FUCKING KOLTER TO RUN THE OPTION which everyone in the entire mutliverse knew was going to happen? Really????? That was an even worse call than running Jacob Schmidt on third down at the end of the Army game or wearing flip flops to the White House.
Look, I have sworn to never say a bad thing about Pat Fitzgerald for all the joy he and NU brought me during the Gary Barnett era, and I have nothing against Kain Colter (in fact I think he will give Andrew Brewer a great run for the title as NU’s best former quarterback who is a threat on offense (and look how good it has worked out for Andrew)), but you don’t fucking rotate Dan Persa off the fucking field EVER unless his arm is hanging off or he’s late for his own personal dance marathon with NU grad Jaime Ray Newman. It boggles the fucking mind.
Kain Colter certainly brings something to the table (and should he ever learn to throw without wearing his purse, he could be a terrific QB), and he is an amazing athlete, but you just don’t take Persa off the field. Shit, it’s like the movie Who’s Nailin Paylin. Did anyone want to have fewer scenes with Lisa Ann just break things up? I mean there’s a time and a place for Nina Hartley (like the 1980s), but when Lisa Ann is in her fucking prime, you don’t leave her out of any scene. It’s a crime against humanity (and even Professor Arthur Butz would agree with that) and so was taking Persa off the field on that 3rd and 5 which just makes less sense than the entire Bill Carmody era (or error as it is better known), rugby punting, or Kate Shindle winning Miss America.
I am flummoxed, flabbergasted, and every other f word out there about that move and the coaching this season. It’s such a shame, NU may never have another Dan Persa and we’re treating him like he’s Tim Hughes. So Coach Fitzgerald, I implore you to do the right thing and Free Persa.
Go Cats!
AC
PS. This Siemian guy looks like a fucking monster. That TD throw was incredible. I really hope we convert Colter to a wr/rb (where he will be unbelievably effective) and let Siemian shoot it around next year, that guy is impressive.
*****if that doesn't get you fired up for Texas A&M, i don't know what will.
posted by Fire Bill Carmody at
9:03 AM
2 Comments:
A few points:
A. Fire Carmody, how the fuck can you lose interest in this site now that the "12 year reign of error" of Carshitty is so close to being over? Seriously, like Lisa Ann hitting a dingleberry on her way to giving a rim job, we are so close we can taste it.
You started this site to help spread the message of what a fuck awful coach this Carshitty is, and by fuck awful AC means:
1. in 12 full (of shit) years Car-no-win-dy has never had a winning Big Ten record and those years included having Indiana on probation and restarting, Michigan rebuilding at least twice, and Penn State in the conference. So, not the golden era of the Big Ten (in fact, one may call it the golden shower era because Michigan State and OSU basically pissed all over everyone).
2. He uses stupid gimmick offenses and defenses that fool no one and that NO OTHER SCHOOLS USE (except for georgetown and princeton, and one has athletes to bail them out when it fails and the other plays against equally shitty athletes).
This is the key point AC has brought up time and time again. If something works, every fucking college coach does it (see dribble drive offense and recruiting viiolations) and the fact the no one is copying these gimmicks AND THEY HAVEN'T LED TO SUCCESS and yet we are in YEAR 12 of this, is more mindboggling than Darnell Autry's acting.
3. Car-no-windy's best player quit on him last year and just gave up basketball because playing for a fucktard like Carmody must have sucked the life out of him (and fuck you very much for that Coble, but AC guesses he can't blame you).
4. Did AC mention Carshitty has never had a winning Big Ten record?
And now you hibernate when we are so close to the fucking "promise he won't be back" land? Very disappointing.
After the moment you and AC shared at the NU-BC football game, AC thought you were in this to lead the troops to the finish, but perhaps he misread you while ducking from another errant Kain Colter pass.
Shit, before the Battle of Yorktown did George Washington say "you know what guys? I've been leading you for four years, it's been a hard struggle, but now that we are on the precipice of ending this bitch, I'm just gonna check the fuck out and go tickle my balls for a while and let you guys finish this one off?" Or on the night before her Miss America victory, did NU grad Kate Shindle say "fuck it. I'm not going to suck that extra judge's dick tonight, I think I can win on my own even though Miss America has always been hot and mostly skinny?" The answers are of course "no and fuck no."
You got us this far, do not give up the good fight because remember, if you quit, Carshitty wins (which would be one of his only victories, so embarrassing for you) and that would hurt AC's heart (that is if he had one).
Thoughts continued below.....
II. The email you posted from AC was originally meant to be posted on Lake the Posts in the comments section (and yes, AC degraded himself by trying to post something on that site because the decision to bring Kane Colter in for that crucial play against Iowa was so abortionally bad (or "Carmody-ian") that AC had to vent somewhere) but the guy who runs that site would not accept it.
First he called AC a troll, then he accused AC of being an Iowa fan (and um, if you read the fucking email dingbat, it is pretty fucking clear AC is neither of those things because every 3rd word was not misspelled and because, well, just read the fucking thing), and then when he agreed to post it, it was somehow "lost" and he needed AC to "resend it," and well, AC does not resend shit to anyone (except those cock shots he keeps resending to Kate Upton, and Ms. Upton, AC is still awaiting your response).
With the great Fire Carmody on hiatus, all AC had was LakethePosts but apparently you can only get shit posted there if your tongue is firmly up Pat Fitzgerald's ass (side note, and as a reminder, AC will never speak badly about Pat Fitzgerald and thinks every NU fan bitching that Fitz should be fired should go watch NU basketball for like 3 minutes and then talk to him about shitty coaches). So you see, your absence caused AC to really fucking slum it and he has not been able to wash off the stench since.
Three. At least put up a paragraph every other game. Shit, feel free to cut and paste this after every game: "NU got outrebounded, they didn't have the depth, no one fell for the backdoor cuts, and the 1-3-1 defense ate a dick again. Fire Carmody."
But dude, you can't leave now. It would be a crime against sanity.
Fuck Carmody.
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